i just finished an aMAZING book.
two actually...
ive read two great books in two days.. i'm a machine. lol.
and they were sad and just... perfect.
i dont know if you really understand how i feel right now.
its like, i want more than anything to be one of the kids in the books. even though they hurt and even though they might get sad i still want what they have right now because its something that i dont..
bah.
and after i read the books, its like i have this overwhelming feeling that my life is falling apart at the seams. but at the same time, i feel more put together than ever.
its a very complicated emotion. let me tell you. i'm not really sad, but i'm not really happy either.
im just sort of there.
and something happened that kinda made me upset, but it was a while ago? i dunno. it still like, torments me ya know?
i went on a cruise instead of buying/receiving presents this christmas.
i thought it would be awesome.
but i kept seeing people that would remind me of that stupid person and it would ruin my like.. 10 minutes.
i wanted to tan.
actually scratch that, i wanted to wrap myself in blankets and never let a beam of light touch my skin (spencer should understand that :) )
fjdiae
i dont know what i'm trying to say.
i want more than anything to go to college and get out of this house and this state and just start over.
i want to be the person i've always envisioned myself being.
and i'm scared.
because i dont want to screw up.
and i dont want to be alone.
i guess thats all.
go read flipped and stargirl
i'm about to start lovely bones
2 comments:
=]
don't worry, a lot of people don't understand what i write sometimes.
but it's okay. i kinda try to make it that way on purpose. because if i'm trying to say something or tell something to someone in particular, i can say it and make myself feel better, even though i know they won't understand it.
and yes, i think we are alike too.
i really know how you feel about getting out and starting over. i wanted that so so so much. and i'm so glad that i have it now. columbia is just not for me.
but don't worry yourself to death, alex. i know you're going to be fine whatever you decide to do, and you have a good enough head on your shoulders to not screw it up.
<3
ha, thanks.
i don't know, but we should. ha.
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